Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Why I will never make money as a professional photographer (AKA fodder for Awkward Family Photos.com)

You know, there are some things that I think it is just great to do myself.  But I have discovered a few things that I should NOT take the DIY approach.
1.  Cutting my children's hair...because then this happens:
Nice bangs, eh?
2.  Taking fine holiday pictures of my children (plural).  As evidenced below, I can manage a nice posed picture of just one child.  This one of Ruby was taken when she was 18 months old, back when she actually knew how to smile for a picture (more on that in a moment). 
Awww...
But today, in a fit of thrifty pique, I decided to try to take holiday pictures of all three children at home by myself.  Foolhardy, I know.  And I can report with pleasure that of the, oh, 40 something pictures I snapped, this represents the BEST one:
Yeah.  
It's all downhill from there, folks.  Allow me to present some of the horrible atrocities my children committed against pixels.  My only comfort is that now in the age of digital photos I can at least delete the worst ones instead of waiting in suspense to develop a roll of film and find 24 clunkers after I've already paid for them.  

When we ask Ruby to smile for pictures, this is what happens...she just opens her mouth really wide.








So helpful to baby brother...
 Then I got the bright idea to try to put on something to amuse and hold the children still.  I bribed them with Elmo.  Unfortunately, you can almost see their brain cells dying.  And I don't know how you professional photographer types manage to get sleeping babies to look so adorable and artistic.  Mine mostly just looks, well, catatonic.
Maybe cute winter hats will improve this picture...nope.

And with that I give up.
The moral of this story should be that I take them to the nearest Sears or Picture People or what have you.  But probably what's going to happen is that I'll spend 10 minutes on PicMonkey and just add in effects and speech bubbles and pass it off as a jokey holiday picture.  Ah well.  

But, on a positive note, I would like to say that I do have at least one DIY talent.  I have been making some pretty decent at-home imitations of various hot seasonal Starbucks drinks.  Score!





3 comments:

  1. You crack me up!!! I would buy a book if you wrote it. :)

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  2. No, the best is the one right after the "when we ask ruby to smile" pic, the one that looks like they've just concluded an '80s rock video. Totally rad.

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  3. Actually i liked that last picture best...but i agree you have a talent for words!!

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