Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A Very Fine Birthday, Indeed

 What a satisfying birthday it has been.  Thank you to everyone who commented on my Facebook wall, called me up, sent a card or gift,  and otherwise brightened my day.

Because I'm a grown up and I CAN, I had already opened some birthday presents: gift card moolah to two of my favorite stores (JoAnn Fabric and Michael's), and spending money for some new clothes and some tasty samplings of charcuterie and chèvre from Allen, and, of course, the undying affection of my children.  Heh.  I did have some good quality time playing Legos with Max and Ben and watching all of them frolic at the park this afternoon.
The day still held some surprise gifts, however. These lovely flowers were dropped off on my porch along with a balloon this afternoon with no identifying note.  I'm not sure who it is from, but I thank them.  It was such a treat to come home to. 
There was the gift of beautiful weather; an Indian summer day, perhaps the last reprieve we'll see for a while from the gray rainy skies.  We walked to fetch Max from school and played at a park on the way home.  

A friend used the marvels of technology to send me Starbucks moolah over the computer.  Love it!

Scads of sweet notes and well-wishes on my Facebook wall, which I always love to see.

But the happiest gift of all? It was one I'd been hoping for but didn't know if I'd receive...  
1-2 weeks along is what the 1-2 means...not 1-2 kids as Allen remarked.
As the pregnancy test indicates, it is very early on: estimated due date is early-mid July.  In my previous pregnancies, I always followed the advice that it was only "safe to announce" after the 3rd month or so, lest there be a miscarriage.  But after severely suffering from postpartum depression after Ben was born, I have reconsidered my stance on "waiting until it is safe."  I spent too long suffering in silence and it was only when I'd truly hit a breaking point with the depression that I sought the much-needed help.  

The whole incident (a months long process of counseling, medication, and just plain ol' time) made clear to me that I don't do well with trying to live life in isolation, especially in depressing circumstances.  If I miscarry this pregnancy (which is statistically likelier given that I'm no longer in my 20s), I don't want this teeny weeny person to be a secret that I have to try to hide.  I don't want to pretend like this baby never existed.  If my baby dies, I will need the love and support of those around me, whether in the form of a shoulder to cry on or reading a sympathy message on FB from someone who has "been there" and can encourage me in a difficulty hour.  

This, by the way, is not said as a judgment against the vast majority of people who do decide to wait to tell others. I speak for myself: I don't do well with "powering through" alone.  I'm prone to depression and anxiety, and isolation only exacerbates these tendencies.  That's why I'm putting it out there now.  

Allen and I are very excited.  The kids will be over the moon.  Thanks be to God!